Has Your Partner Become More Like a Roommate? 4 Ways to Reconnect

As someone in the education world, I have experienced first-hand the long hours, juggling of home and school responsibilities, and failed attempts at self-care. As a result, work can easily take priority even when it shouldn't. And our family members and especially partners can become like strangers to us. 

One way to support our well-being is to focus on feeding our relationships. Instead of assuming that our partner understands that we are stressed and too busy to spend time with them, it is vital to make an effort in even small ways to stay connected. By nurturing our most precious relationships, we not only help to meet our own emotional needs, but we support the "we-ness" of the relationship that we hold most dear. 

Here are 4 ways to reconnect with that most special person in your life:

1. Show Appreciation

I know, I know. It would be nice if they would show appreciation for all that you do. But if neither one of you make an effort to voice gratitude, it won't ever happen. So model these words of recognition and thanksgiving for your partner, and you may find more of those supportive comments returning to you. Aim for two sentences when showing appreciation - one sentence to give thanks and another to explain why you appreciate the action. For example, "Thank you for taking the trash out. I was worried that it was going to stink up the kitchen." "Thank you for making dinner. It's nice to be able to come home from work and know that I can enjoy family time without jumping into another task." 

   2. Go Back to the Beginning 
Think back to when you first started spending time together. What were some of your shared activities? Did you have a favorite show that you binge-watched? Did you go hiking at a nearby park? How might you re-introduce some of those activities that you used to do? That rekindling of "us" as an entity can help to bring you both back to the foundation of your relationship. What makes your relationship unique, and how do you live that out together? 

   3. Slow Down
It is easy to get caught up in our rat race to the point that we are running through our day in a blur. By slowing down our movements and words, we can be more intentional about connecting with our loved ones. We need to set our egos aside and recognize that these people deserve our attention. Intentionally locking eyes with your partner shows them you are present and that you SEE them. Isn't that what we all want? To be seen? Show them they are worthy of your attention by slowing your body down.

   4. Touch
As humans, we require touch. Start with small gestures - a hand on an arm or leg, wiping a crumb off their chin. These movements say, "I care about you." Of course, hugs and kisses are lovely as well, but if you have had a "dry spell" lately, permit yourself to start small. As you reconnect with your partner, intimacy will become easier. 


What will you do today to shift your relationship?